Log in

07 October 2016 @ 03:12 am
I know not sleeping might make me feel shitty later the next day, but I can't help it.
I can start to feel the tiredness, so I'm sleeping soon.
They say irritability is a form of depression, which I have been coping with for a long time.
I wouldn't say life is shitty to me, but there are definitely some shitty parts.
Shitty students and shitty amount of things to mark. It's a minor select few but they overtake the mood that I have in class.
I will have repercussions for this but I simply do not fucking care, they can have repercussions and I will sleep well and tight at home. They can burn in hell, whether that exists or not. I may get pulled down but well that's they price you pay also for hoping that upon someone. I just want to know that the price I pay is reasonable and suitable for what may happen. Not overly big to which I totally don't deserve.

15 September 2016 @ 10:58 pm
I won't take back my words from a number of days ago that my boyfriend, at that moment, was a better listener than my mum. But I, as much as I am to be a caring girlfriend, can't be helped but be bothered by his decision to not meet this Saturday instead. He has his reasons, albeit weak ones in my eyes. I have not seen him since the kitchen incident, and it is a disappointment not to be given the time to let me sink in and see him and in turn let the incident sink furhter as well.

I am still not comfortable with my mum, I am still disappointed, despite her doing many actions since she came back, most of them after my aunt and her friend left. She came back to eat together, and others. It's even touching to receive the card that she sent in Vietnam, unfortunately it arrived only now. The timing is bad, really. It would have been much consoling and feeling-appropriate if I had gotten this a while ago. Perhaps I wouldn't have felt so bad and so sorry for myself.

I feel a gap with every one of the people that I have told the kitchen incident about, of which based on many circumstances, none have fully given me, or be able to provide me the support, level of understanding, and expression of empathy to get over it.

I silence myself. I have not had a hug with mum since the standard one at the airport. I am aware of how much time I am spending with myself, but I do not want to pander to being with my mum more as well because of the emotioal gap that I still have with her. She mesages but I don't reply - there's no point in responding fyis anyway, the plans have already been made.

I still feel like crying, but it is no longer solely about the overwhelming sense of fear and helplessness from the kitchen incident. It's about the follow-up, what happens with my expectations. It's from the hits of disappointment that time, listening and the kind of concern I want is not given to me by whom I deem the closest. Excluding today and yesterday, I have been tearing at night for two to three days straight, they were uncontrollable. Now that work has started and consumed me again, I am not sure if my heavy workload is masking my emotions, or that I am slowly putting my emotions down, or that I'm just getting used to the system.

I do not park my emotions in a shelter; I'll take it with me no matter how heavy they are, if I need to.
09 September 2016 @ 11:08 pm
Mum, my boyfriend is a much better listerner than you.


I don't even bother answering you because you don't listen.

30 August 2016 @ 11:14 pm

I had originally wanted to add Emma Watsons in to form a trio but decided not to since, oh well, when I really get to it, I can't find pictures that justify ot at least illustrate reasonable amount of semblance.

The main similarity between the pair will be the smile, eyes and vibes given off at times. They are not the most alike among those that my mind had linked and highlighted, but it will not be far off if tey are misrecognized as sisters as well.

FYI, Kat is

  • a lead of one of my favourite TV shows Scorpion (which reminds me to check if Season 3 is out alr)

  • in a relationship with a male lead of the same show (real-life couple fulfilled, instead of the push and pull that went on for 2 whole seasons. Oh well, storylines.)

  • a alumni from American Idol

  • someone that I found familiar when I started watching the show but never got point out previous sources certainly. It's ok :)

Meanwhile, Ming is

  • from Teens Star Search, of which the magazine itself is gone now

  • remains one of the 3 ony relatively prominent contestants to have come out from the competition, together with Nathan Hartona (respectable) and Dawn Yeoh (bitch, based on reviews, reliable or not)

Katherine (first) and Ming (second)

Katherine (first) and Ming (second)

I need to learn how to become a better person, more for myself, and then also for those around me. Aug '16 full-month has gone through some downs, such as in my relationship (we need to break the cycles of decreased contact) and at work (I'm lagging for handing in weekly lesson plans). It's hard to cope now, but I've got to, and I know at the end of this period, I will turn out stronger than before. Or go slightly nuts, which I think is less likely.

Current Mood: pensivepensive

Hmm they have similar names.

All I hear of Go Ara was that she's from SM, she appears at their joint tours at times, barely average in acting skills and she starrs with our Yunho in that soccer serial drama that is cut from 20 to 16 episodes, because the story was so bad nobody wants to watch it :S The discs are still sitting on my shelf untouched.

As for Hello Venus, if I have any impression of anyone, it would have only been Alice beause she looks like our crossdressed 'Rachel Kim' during one of her promotion periods :O I stopped the screen once randomly while watching their Sticky Sticky music video and got a shock when I came because they looked so alike. Oh well I can't find the screencap I took so hope this can still illustrate well.

Jinwoo (first) and Alice (second)

Moving on, I, well, only noitced Nara recently because *ding ding* this lady suddenly strickes me as looking super alike with Go Ara.

Go Ara (first) and Nara (second)

I think what ultimately pull them away from looking like fraternal twins are their face shapes. Most of the time it doesn't really matter, but I guess in this context it does strike some difference.

Go Ara (first) and Nara (second)

Somehow it's good that at least we had a Natonal Day through weekend holiday (5 days) in Aug '16 half-month :)

30 July 2016 @ 02:23 pm

OMG I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW CHERYL COLE AND LIAM PAYNE HAVE BEEN DATING FOR ALMOST EIGHT MONTHS. He was a contestant on X-Factor while so was one of the judges. I know this but still :O They met when he was 17 hmm, it's good that they were not romantically involved earlier, it was confirmed. Oh well even their own friends didn't saw this coming suddenly.

Meanwhile Zoey Deutch dates Avan Jogia. He was one of the non-white heartthrobs that I noticed along with an endless amount of other guys springing up in the scene. So well to get any attention is amazing already actually.

Zoey Deutch (first)       Cheryl Cole (second)

The coming week is going to be a busy one.
Monday - Going out with Yuhui;
Tuesday - Tuition;
Wednesday - Some skin pigmentation treatment :/;
Thursday - Department Meeting;
Friday - Cooperative Learning Workshop & Chiropractic session.

To Jul '16 full month.

12 July 2016 @ 08:57 pm

When you feel like you have seen this face before and you watch Pitch Perfect. Turns out ;)
It's the cheekbones, jaws, ears. Anna has deeper-set eyes, and narrower forehead, but that's about the only differences.

Anna Kendrick                                                         Tina Fey

It's been really busy since school term has started. I haven't managed to settle down, which means my table is still in a mess and I have a ton of things to do. Let's just hope I pull through Jul '16 half-month with pupils that do not have to make me shout and potentially destroy my beautiful voice again :)

01 July 2016 @ 12:08 am

Dated 4 August 2015: Yoobin and Hyorin Confirmed for UPR2

Still remembered I rolled my eyes at this. So the main singer of Sistar, who happens to be a group I loathe, is joining this?
'Bet she's gonna sing-rap her way through', and yes she totally did. She tried, but it was a joke. Her lines were substandard as well. This also goes on to show how bad Bora might be, that she's not representing the group.
Same goes for 4Minute's case where Jiyoon went, instead of Hyuna. But then again, Hyuna has released her own solos with 'raps', at least that's something, plus her public recognition means she did not need the exposure.

All I know is Hyorin must have joined because she fits the first criteria, and Yoobin must have joined because she fits the second criteria. Look at the title to know what I'm saying :/

Jun '16 full-month also marks both my entrance into mid-twenties and a permanent position at a job.
Yeah, I think it's reasonable that I start working full-time at this age.

Current Location: Bed
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
27 May 2016 @ 09:18 pm
I wrote this piece under the word limit of 140 words for this competition. I was to answer the question

What would you do if the Eiffel Tower Apartment was all yours for the night?

I have no idea if I had to cover the feature and facilities of the place. I have not seen an accompanying article on it anyway. I felt that my words expresses my emotions more.

Chill like a true Parisian.
Eat my quiche, face the window, people-watch.
Wear the most stylish outfit I have.
Pose like a pro, use my filters, act like I know what I'm doing.
Bask in the atmosphere.
Breathe in the air that this side of Earth will never have.
Convince myself that it is romance that brings such serenity.
Admire the graffiti amongst the old, half-worn buildings.
Squint my eyes and observe the idealised images between all.
Let my view skip past the complexity on the streets.
Stay with the stereotypes of the city.
Be blind to the social and cultural trends amidst its many recent challenges.
Maintain my role as a tourist.
Wrapped in the comfort of the Apartment.

It turns out that the requirement was 140 characters, not words. I cut all except the last two lines for the submission.

Cheers, May '16 full-month.

14 May 2016 @ 04:49 pm
Have always felt that they are just the actor version and singer version of the same entity lol what am I saying.
They may or may not give different vibes, but it's the features man.

Gong Hyo Jin (First) and Soyu (Second)

Gong Hyo Jin (First) and Soyu (Second)

To May '16 half-month! :)
08 May 2016 @ 02:08 pm
Do you enjoy dressing up? What was the last time that you dressed up significantly? Was it for a special event, or just because you felt like doing it? What was the outfit that you wore?
I don't particularly enjoy dressing up for the sake of it, but rather the connotations that
1) I can still fit into my clothes after a long time
2) I can wear clothes that have gone out of fashion by wearing them stylishly
3) I can put hand-me-downs in good use

This pretty much explains my patterns in dressing up I realise. Why I do not do make-up, why I only want to wear two-piece outfits on free days and when in the mood, why I do not put clothes under the Home section unless the condition goes bad.

The last time I dressed up was for hosting a concert on 28 Feb this year, a black almost-maxi dress. Something amazing happened, and I'm just happy :)

To Apr '16 full-month. <3
21 April 2016 @ 11:16 pm
This is easily my favourite anime or at least on the tops list, albeit not having watched many myself.
I have so much overflowing emotions, it's the kind of show that will stick with me for a long long time.
I chionged it within around 2.5 hours even though I'm supposed to study now, but this is the kind I think is heartwarming and worth the time.
It's what will make me just really want to share and post about it to conclude my feelings.

To Apr '16 half-month. <3
24 March 2016 @ 10:23 am

I suddenly wonder what being emotionally hungover is called. Pensive?

Anyway, here's Mar '16 full-month!

18 March 2016 @ 12:07 am

I've been trying to sleep since 10.20pm and here i am, awake. I might have given up just for a short while to sleep, before I get back to my bed. I will Google on possible reason(s) for why I can't sleep.

Anyway, I'll just post a random song from 1999 that comes into my brain right now. I've seen a Buzzfeed video that seemingly random thoughts are not so coincidental sometimes, so who knows, maybe when I look back at this i'll know why.

Crystal Snow was born from my flowing tears
From one drop to the next one, then starting to disappear

Risking on an instant light of human life
There’s nothing left to say, so I close my mouth tightly
In a silence, feelings that I ignored begin to freeze …

You won’t see the white impurity, because it’s snow
It’ll soon gone
You won’t see the white impurity, because it’s snow
It’s easy to leave a wound on somebody

Quietly creeping in, in the end I become worry
Innocently I think I’ve overacted when I thank you
With a small sigh, leaving white prints
I can’t move in a locked world
And my hand become completely chilled
Can’t feel warmth anymore
And I begin to freeze …

Before I knew the meaning of being born
Everybody’s worry of not surviving anymore
People’s laugh is being wasted away
Totally confused – need help laughing

The gathered falling snow
Even as a proof of your living, the left white begin to disappear

Somewhere far out there I can hear the little boy’s voice
Footprints of white snow …

Regardless, cheers to Mar '16 half-month!

Current Location: Hall
Current Mood: Troubled
02 March 2016 @ 02:42 pm

After watching Youtube for like, four straight full days, I'm tired (of it). I had four days to myself, so it's really kind of from the moment I open my eyes to the moment I close them. Imagine how many hours that is. I now just want to switch things up with work. Usually I can do things for long once I start, sometimes with breaks and sometimes without, but this was just basically saturation. I don't even think I want to be eating and watching anymore. I may just probably sit down and eat quietly. I do things to the extreme, I know, it's either I don't or I do it to the max till I'm done or I crash, whichever comes first.

I'm gong, or blur now as some will say, but I welcome this peace and end.

Current Location: Room.
Current Mood: stoned
29 February 2016 @ 09:26 pm

OMG like finally. I'm not sure why, if it's because I can't find enough information and articles on it without social media, that I don't feel like the hype is enough yet. Like I feel empty after waiting for this for so long :O

Congratulations with all my heart, what a long-awaited moment.

Happy Feb '16 full-month!
Current Mood: touchedtouched
(I will update this for any errors when I finish the show)

Basically you already know that Empress Ki is a pseudo-history drama because duh, for the sensationalization, ratings, and filling up numerous spaces that can't be by those mere few lines at every stage in all history books. But look what I found, with some things that spoiled the amazing collaboration between Tuotuo and Consort Ki:

  • The Bayan removal coup was staged purely by Emperor Huizong and Tuotuo, without mention of Consort Ki at any instant. So ok, this collaboration detail can technically be added because there's nothing to dispute it either.

  • BUT always remember, Empress Ki DID NOT STAGE IT.

  • Emperor Huizong did not die immediately at the Bayan coup.

  • The rebellion was staged by Red Turban Rebellion, not his personal eunuch and Empress Dowager. So, no extreme drama there in real history.

  • And I will supposed that Eagle Rock Traders didn't exist at that time either, for that.

  • This is the part that gets T.T . Basically Empress Ki supported that stupid kid Ayushiridara in falsely accusing Tuotuo for corruption, for some useless, jealous enemy. For fear of betrayal, Emperor Huizong really stripped him of his dignities. This was around a decade down the road after the Bayan coup. WTS.

  • He was poisoned by the enemy eventually while in exile. F this.

  • Empress Ki is CORRUPT. Around the same time as she supported the false accusation of Tuotuo, she had a personal office just to impose tax for her own personal use. Her family in Korea had the same behaviour as well. No wonder they were all killed eventually by King Gongmin. Good decision.

  • King Chunghye, which Wang Yoo was based on, was a ruler famous for abducting, killing and raping women. Very negatively different from the image he has in Empress Ki. And no, I don' think Consort Ki and him were ever romantically involved. Again, this detail can be added because there's nothing to dispute it. BUT then again, he really did come to Yanjing after being overthrown by previous king Chung-suk, indeed to release Goryeo from Yuan control, and became her trusted confidant. Hmm, fishy.

And these are other real details that are either commendable or interesting:

  • Tuotuo really was an amazing historian that served the country smartly and loyally till the end. How charming.

  • Tuotuo has a father. Yes, to remove details, it has never been mentioned in the drama, but he returned to Gansu around four years after the Bayan coup/being the Great Chancellor to be with him. He was sick, because come on, he reversed all those mistakes, which in my opinion, is harder than trying to create something new and grand.

  • He gracefully accepted the decree (肚量真大!), and ordered his troops to listen to the new commander. But of course such a legendary person has tons of loyal supporting soldiers, and they left, being unhappy.

Current Location: Hall
16 February 2016 @ 12:14 am

I'm just so bad at Chinese history. Ok like I mean relatively bad, much much leseser than what I want to know and what I expect myself to already know. I do think I won't fare as badly as a handful of people out there. Anyway, I couldn't even confidently list the sequence of all the dynasties, but now I can, at least the main ones. I can kind of state briefly the borders by who's the main tribe/race/people in that dynasty, but every dynasty always has small parts that break away, those are the one that I cannot point out more than a few. I used to study this briefly back in CCH. I still have the two-part series, of which the second one hasn't even been touched at all my by school =.= But for years I had set a goal to read them, they are still in my bedroom. I will, it's just how long i'll take to get there. I'm reading the Pig book now, you know.

Credit all these to Empress Ki man, what a beloved, precious show. I'm not at the end yet because no, I never go faster than the TV. It's just my habit, like I can watch it on the TV when I want to, and bonus, together with my mum. If I had watched it already it's like spoiling the surprise + rewatching it, which I know some people do so, and by their words, they need to, becuase they will forget the contents next time. I don't.

And Jin Yi-Han is just so damn handsome. I haven't checked out more than like, five of his modern photos yet, or rememeber at least five of his modern photos. But damn.

Let's put a smiley face as opposed to his usually cool image in the show! :D

Happy Feb '16 half-month!

Current Location: Hall
07 February 2016 @ 01:15 pm

It seems like the target beneficiaries of this programme are (incomplete) families in psychological difficulties or senior citizens living alone. In other words, old beneficiaries. I can see where they are coming from when one of the volunteers mentioned that sometimes, those who chooses to be financially independent, all they want is a word of concern; those who live alone, all they want is some company. I don't know. I've been trying to prepare for old life, and I didn't think being alone would be an impact on emotional health. Keeping oneself fulfilled and inspired has no relation with physical loneliness. However, it's been years that I hear this saying about no partner and craving for human interaction. It's getting to me slowly, I can see it being a possibility to change my mindset bit by bit if this continues. I don't want to change my mindset though, because looking at being alone and something sad, that itself is such a sad thought. Like, who subscribes to that form of self-looking-down? Somehow ok, the more I type, the more I'm getting back that idea that at least part of these 'old and lonely' people can in fact not feel that way with mere changes in lifestyle, and more importantly, in mindset. It's not easy, but with the determination and zest they have when they are younger, they can, with rejuvenation, reach even greater heights.

Happy Lunar New Year everyone :)
Current Location: In My Room
Current Mood: Contemplative
31 January 2016 @ 02:29 pm
I cannot really remember what has happened in the past 1/2 months in detail other than a few key events. I feel like i'm just floating in life now, as usual or abnomal, I don't know. But lol, I made that a note that i'll write this.

We have been having multiple tutors in a module, and one of them is hmm, cute or sort of. YW agrees haha. Then apparently this baby-faced is married already! :O Was still wondering if he's attached or what. That escalates x)

And I did some makeup that day. Thank you a number of girls that complimented, and thank you to not one guy that complimented. Smh. Ok someone did notice that I spent effort on doing it, but that's that. I'd rather take it that I just don't seem good-looking enough witht that up-do, than have any post-comments from brainlesses saying how they don't dare, wanting to prevent misunderstandings, or am embarrassed to give compliments. Go f themselves, those people.

And happy Jan '16 full-month!