I've been sick: persistent heatiness, swollen eyes, overworked, emotionally drained.
The exams are over but my health is finally back.
My class did not do as well, partly when comparing with another class, partly when we all are pulled down by the paper.
The last time the boyfriend has travelled to meet me was exactly a month ago as well;
I've since met him twice but I moved. I don't want to pick on that, but coupled with the fact that he no longer bothers to contact just makes it known that we are ending soon. How can trust come when someone doesn't even work on it? I understand also, why work on someone that you don't see a future with? My health has recovered, but I'm trying to move past the stage where I bother and into the resigned stated. That helps me cope with our eventual breakup easier I hope.
I've found a few articles that helps me in expressing the situation and how I can look at it.
This series will be tagged as /\ .
Time Bombs: Relationships With an Expiration Date (August 10, 2016)
“time bomb”: a relationship both parties know won’t last but drags on for months, maybe even years.
I guess initially both of us did not know that this is how we would end. Who does not want to have sweet happy times with your partner? We both did not want things to turn out this way. But I've got my temper. My mum puts the blame on me, and I accept, but not fully, just based on the fact that it's always a two-way thing no matter how small a part one of them plays. Do we regret defninf each other as together? I don't think so, but given a chance to turn back time, I think we wouldn't. We are not definitely not staying with each other or companionship; we don't even accompany each other.
“I’m less likely to mentally categorize someone as a ‘maybe’ who should be a ‘no,’ because I have something like a safety net,” I don't really have like a safety net, but rather I have an excuse for myself to reason with, and to tell people. I do wonder what if another person that I like comes along but my mind doesn't turn fast enough to register, or my mind rejects out of habit. Time will tell.
“I think the fact we were both aware of the time bomb the entire time helped make it the most amicable breakup I’ve ever experienced.” I'm not sure if this will apply to us and help us tide through this limbo, I may not have known it the entire time, but that's the point of the period now, to get this clear and prepare for the day when it comes.
I'm thinking of blocking him on my phone, which to be very honest I don't think he'll mind given that he wants to let go, but I guess we are both just cowards dragging on time till, perhaps, when we pick up courage to sever. I kind of wonder why I still see his face every time I look at the phone. I wonder if he has changed the screen, or what he thinks when in fact he sees my face every time he looks at his phone too.
I've been hurt deeply, and I'm trying to walk out of this. I gues he hurt as well, but he'll have his own coping mechanism. We are two seperate entities, after all.
I can start to feel the tiredness, so I'm sleeping soon.
They say irritability is a form of depression, which I have been coping with for a long time.
I wouldn't say life is shitty to me, but there are definitely some shitty parts.
Shitty students and shitty amount of things to mark. It's a minor select few but they overtake the mood that I have in class.
I will have repercussions for this but I simply do not fucking care, they can have repercussions and I will sleep well and tight at home. They can burn in hell, whether that exists or not. I may get pulled down but well that's they price you pay also for hoping that upon someone. I just want to know that the price I pay is reasonable and suitable for what may happen. Not overly big to which I totally don't deserve.
I am still not comfortable with my mum, I am still disappointed, despite her doing many actions since she came back, most of them after my aunt and her friend left. She came back to eat together, and others. It's even touching to receive the card that she sent in Vietnam, unfortunately it arrived only now. The timing is bad, really. It would have been much consoling and feeling-appropriate if I had gotten this a while ago. Perhaps I wouldn't have felt so bad and so sorry for myself.
I feel a gap with every one of the people that I have told the kitchen incident about, of which based on many circumstances, none have fully given me, or be able to provide me the support, level of understanding, and expression of empathy to get over it.
I silence myself. I have not had a hug with mum since the standard one at the airport. I am aware of how much time I am spending with myself, but I do not want to pander to being with my mum more as well because of the emotioal gap that I still have with her. She mesages but I don't reply - there's no point in responding fyis anyway, the plans have already been made.
I still feel like crying, but it is no longer solely about the overwhelming sense of fear and helplessness from the kitchen incident. It's about the follow-up, what happens with my expectations. It's from the hits of disappointment that time, listening and the kind of concern I want is not given to me by whom I deem the closest. Excluding today and yesterday, I have been tearing at night for two to three days straight, they were uncontrollable. Now that work has started and consumed me again, I am not sure if my heavy workload is masking my emotions, or that I am slowly putting my emotions down, or that I'm just getting used to the system.
I do not park my emotions in a shelter; I'll take it with me no matter how heavy they are, if I need to.
I don't even bother answering you because you don't listen.
I had originally wanted to add Emma Watsons in to form a trio but decided not to since, oh well, when I really get to it, I can't find pictures that justify ot at least illustrate reasonable amount of semblance.
The main similarity between the pair will be the smile, eyes and vibes given off at times. They are not the most alike among those that my mind had linked and highlighted, but it will not be far off if tey are misrecognized as sisters as well.
FYI, Kat is
- a lead of one of my favourite TV shows Scorpion (which reminds me to check if Season 3 is out alr)
- in a relationship with a male lead of the same show (real-life couple fulfilled, instead of the push and pull that went on for 2 whole seasons. Oh well, storylines.)
- a alumni from American Idol
- someone that I found familiar when I started watching the show but never got point out previous sources certainly. It's ok :)
- from Teens Star Search, of which the magazine itself is gone now
- remains one of the 3 ony relatively prominent contestants to have come out from the competition, together with Nathan Hartona (respectable) and Dawn Yeoh (bitch, based on reviews, reliable or not)
Katherine (first) and Ming (second)
Katherine (first) and Ming (second)
I need to learn how to become a better person, more for myself, and then also for those around me. Aug '16 full-month has gone through some downs, such as in my relationship (we need to break the cycles of decreased contact) and at work (I'm lagging for handing in weekly lesson plans). It's hard to cope now, but I've got to, and I know at the end of this period, I will turn out stronger than before. Or go slightly nuts, which I think is less likely.
Hmm they have similar names.
All I hear of Go Ara was that she's from SM, she appears at their joint tours at times, barely average in acting skills and she starrs with our Yunho in that soccer serial drama that is cut from 20 to 16 episodes, because the story was so bad nobody wants to watch it :S The discs are still sitting on my shelf untouched.
As for Hello Venus, if I have any impression of anyone, it would have only been Alice beause she looks like our crossdressed 'Rachel Kim' during one of her promotion periods :O I stopped the screen once randomly while watching their Sticky Sticky music video and got a shock when I came because they looked so alike. Oh well I can't find the screencap I took so hope this can still illustrate well.
Jinwoo (first) and Alice (second)
Moving on, I, well, only noitced Nara recently because *ding ding* this lady suddenly strickes me as looking super alike with Go Ara.
Go Ara (first) and Nara (second)
I think what ultimately pull them away from looking like fraternal twins are their face shapes. Most of the time it doesn't really matter, but I guess in this context it does strike some difference.
Go Ara (first) and Nara (second)
Somehow it's good that at least we had a Natonal Day through weekend holiday (5 days) in Aug '16 half-month :)
OMG I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW CHERYL COLE AND LIAM PAYNE HAVE BEEN DATING FOR ALMOST EIGHT MONTHS. He was a contestant on X-Factor while so was one of the judges. I know this but still :O They met when he was 17 hmm, it's good that they were not romantically involved earlier, it was confirmed. Oh well even their own friends didn't saw this coming suddenly.
Meanwhile Zoey Deutch dates Avan Jogia. He was one of the non-white heartthrobs that I noticed along with an endless amount of other guys springing up in the scene. So well to get any attention is amazing already actually.
Zoey Deutch (first) Cheryl Cole (second)
The coming week is going to be a busy one.
Monday - Going out with Yuhui;
Tuesday - Tuition;
Wednesday - Some skin pigmentation treatment :/;
Thursday - Department Meeting;
Friday - Cooperative Learning Workshop & Chiropractic session.
To Jul '16 full month.
It's the cheekbones, jaws, ears. Anna has deeper-set eyes, and narrower forehead, but that's about the only differences.
Anna Kendrick Tina Fey
It's been really busy since school term has started. I haven't managed to settle down, which means my table is still in a mess and I have a ton of things to do. Let's just hope I pull through Jul '16 half-month with pupils that do not have to make me shout and potentially destroy my beautiful voice again :)
Dated 4 August 2015: Yoobin and Hyorin Confirmed for UPR2
Still remembered I rolled my eyes at this. So the main singer of Sistar, who happens to be a group I loathe, is joining this?
'Bet she's gonna sing-rap her way through', and yes she totally did. She tried, but it was a joke. Her lines were substandard as well. This also goes on to show how bad Bora might be, that she's not representing the group.
Same goes for 4Minute's case where Jiyoon went, instead of Hyuna. But then again, Hyuna has released her own solos with 'raps', at least that's something, plus her public recognition means she did not need the exposure.
All I know is Hyorin must have joined because she fits the first criteria, and Yoobin must have joined because she fits the second criteria. Look at the title to know what I'm saying :/
Jun '16 full-month also marks both my entrance into mid-twenties and a permanent position at a job.
Yeah, I think it's reasonable that I start working full-time at this age.
What would you do if the Eiffel Tower Apartment was all yours for the night?
I have no idea if I had to cover the feature and facilities of the place. I have not seen an accompanying article on it anyway. I felt that my words expresses my emotions more.
It turns out that the requirement was 140 characters, not words. I cut all except the last two lines for the submission.
Cheers, May '16 full-month.
They may or may not give different vibes, but it's the features man.
Gong Hyo Jin (First) and Soyu (Second)
Gong Hyo Jin (First) and Soyu (Second)
To May '16 half-month! :)
1) I can still fit into my clothes after a long time
2) I can wear clothes that have gone out of fashion by wearing them stylishly
3) I can put hand-me-downs in good use
This pretty much explains my patterns in dressing up I realise. Why I do not do make-up, why I only want to wear two-piece outfits on free days and when in the mood, why I do not put clothes under the Home section unless the condition goes bad.
The last time I dressed up was for hosting a concert on 28 Feb this year, a black almost-maxi dress. Something amazing happened, and I'm just happy :)
To Apr '16 full-month. <3
I have so much overflowing emotions, it's the kind of show that will stick with me for a long long time.
I chionged it within around 2.5 hours even though I'm supposed to study now, but this is the kind I think is heartwarming and worth the time.
It's what will make me just really want to share and post about it to conclude my feelings.
To Apr '16 half-month. <3
I suddenly wonder what being emotionally hungover is called. Pensive?
Anyway, here's Mar '16 full-month!
I've been trying to sleep since 10.20pm and here i am, awake. I might have given up just for a short while to sleep, before I get back to my bed. I will Google on possible reason(s) for why I can't sleep.
Anyway, I'll just post a random song from 1999 that comes into my brain right now. I've seen a Buzzfeed video that seemingly random thoughts are not so coincidental sometimes, so who knows, maybe when I look back at this i'll know why.
Crystal Snow was born from my flowing tears
From one drop to the next one, then starting to disappear
Risking on an instant light of human life
There’s nothing left to say, so I close my mouth tightly
In a silence, feelings that I ignored begin to freeze …
You won’t see the white impurity, because it’s snow
It’ll soon gone
You won’t see the white impurity, because it’s snow
It’s easy to leave a wound on somebody
Quietly creeping in, in the end I become worry
Innocently I think I’ve overacted when I thank you
With a small sigh, leaving white prints
I can’t move in a locked world
And my hand become completely chilled
Can’t feel warmth anymore
And I begin to freeze …
Before I knew the meaning of being born
Everybody’s worry of not surviving anymore
People’s laugh is being wasted away
Totally confused – need help laughing
The gathered falling snow
Even as a proof of your living, the left white begin to disappear
Somewhere far out there I can hear the little boy’s voice
Footprints of white snow …
- White Snow, extracted from https://hendritan.wordpress.com/201
Regardless, cheers to Mar '16 half-month!
I'm gong, or blur now as some will say, but I welcome this peace and end.
OMG like finally. I'm not sure why, if it's because I can't find enough information and articles on it without social media, that I don't feel like the hype is enough yet. Like I feel empty after waiting for this for so long :O
Congratulations with all my heart, what a long-awaited moment.
Happy Feb '16 full-month!
Basically you already know that Empress Ki is a pseudo-history drama because duh, for the sensationalization, ratings, and filling up numerous spaces that can't be by those mere few lines at every stage in all history books. But look what I found, with some things that spoiled the amazing collaboration between Tuotuo and Consort Ki:
- The Bayan removal coup was staged purely by Emperor Huizong and Tuotuo, without mention of Consort Ki at any instant. So ok, this collaboration detail can technically be added because there's nothing to dispute it either.
- BUT always remember, Empress Ki DID NOT STAGE IT.
- Emperor Huizong did not die immediately at the Bayan coup.
- The rebellion was staged by Red Turban Rebellion, not his personal eunuch and Empress Dowager. So, no extreme drama there in real history.
- And I will supposed that Eagle Rock Traders didn't exist at that time either, for that.
- This is the part that gets T.T . Basically Empress Ki supported that stupid kid Ayushiridara in falsely accusing Tuotuo for corruption, for some useless, jealous enemy. For fear of betrayal, Emperor Huizong really stripped him of his dignities. This was around a decade down the road after the Bayan coup. WTS.
- He was poisoned by the enemy eventually while in exile. F this.
- Empress Ki is CORRUPT. Around the same time as she supported the false accusation of Tuotuo, she had a personal office just to impose tax for her own personal use. Her family in Korea had the same behaviour as well. No wonder they were all killed eventually by King Gongmin. Good decision.
- King Chunghye, which Wang Yoo was based on, was a ruler famous for abducting, killing and raping women. Very negatively different from the image he has in Empress Ki. And no, I don' think Consort Ki and him were ever romantically involved. Again, this detail can be added because there's nothing to dispute it. BUT then again, he really did come to Yanjing after being overthrown by previous king Chung-suk, indeed to release Goryeo from Yuan control, and became her trusted confidant. Hmm, fishy.
And these are other real details that are either commendable or interesting:
- Tuotuo really was an amazing historian that served the country smartly and loyally till the end. How charming.
- Tuotuo has a father. Yes, to remove details, it has never been mentioned in the drama, but he returned to Gansu around four years after the Bayan coup/being the Great Chancellor to be with him. He was sick, because come on, he reversed all those mistakes, which in my opinion, is harder than trying to create something new and grand.
- He gracefully accepted the decree (肚量真大！), and ordered his troops to listen to the new commander. But of course such a legendary person has tons of loyal supporting soldiers, and they left, being unhappy.
I'm just so bad at Chinese history. Ok like I mean relatively bad, much much leseser than what I want to know and what I expect myself to already know. I do think I won't fare as badly as a handful of people out there. Anyway, I couldn't even confidently list the sequence of all the dynasties, but now I can, at least the main ones. I can kind of state briefly the borders by who's the main tribe/race/people in that dynasty, but every dynasty always has small parts that break away, those are the one that I cannot point out more than a few. I used to study this briefly back in CCH. I still have the two-part series, of which the second one hasn't even been touched at all my by school =.= But for years I had set a goal to read them, they are still in my bedroom. I will, it's just how long i'll take to get there. I'm reading the Pig book now, you know.
Credit all these to Empress Ki man, what a beloved, precious show. I'm not at the end yet because no, I never go faster than the TV. It's just my habit, like I can watch it on the TV when I want to, and bonus, together with my mum. If I had watched it already it's like spoiling the surprise + rewatching it, which I know some people do so, and by their words, they need to, becuase they will forget the contents next time. I don't.
And Jin Yi-Han is just so damn handsome. I haven't checked out more than like, five of his modern photos yet, or rememeber at least five of his modern photos. But damn.
Let's put a smiley face as opposed to his usually cool image in the show! :D
Happy Feb '16 half-month!