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02 June 2015 @ 11:29 am


It's those non-concrete, useless shit that got B-. I can't help it, I don't even hold these attitudes in the past but seeing such unaccounted for grades really made me very helpless as to what I've done wrong exactly. Words words words it's not like I don't write.

I need to buck up. Consult or something, I don't know. I'm reminded of Gladys' story about the contrast in grades during consultation and aft that. I don't know. I just got to continue some encouraging attitude and work for it.

But fking hell, it's not like I didn't work for it. Worse, I was consistent. I really don't know what went wrong.

It's a cycle of thoughts here and I need to come to a resolution and get out of this.
Current Location: Rysskolan Level 2
Current Mood: sadsad
12 April 2015 @ 06:21 pm

I think I got sick of watching videos and entertaining myself. Spending time unwisely basically. I am not sure if this is the case, or that I just feel doomed. I don't know. I am also not sure if this is just because I have too many unsettled things in my life also. Please just let me manage myself well.

26 March 2015 @ 11:37 pm

It has come to my attention that I have experienced a wide variety of emotions in the past few days, tears shed, moving moments flowed, inspiring stories and life experiences heard, burnt words from people I know, questions on the Parliament House situations asked, constant conflicting decisions on whether to go, and other things. I am going to rant on various stuff I have seen and come across, in hopes of relief and brightening my 24hrs in addition to the killer mood I already have some of the time. It is a rant afterall, so I will expect random spurts of thoughts that may not be closely linked.

"And if you don't agree with her, then find a way to express yourself without being so caustic."

- Limpeh Foreign Talent

First and foremost, I see burning comments from knetz and inetz alike quite a number of times from my usual leisure reading. I do dish out (or desire to) burning comments as well in real-life, sometimes imagined in my mind like what I wish will happen. Normally it doesn't end well, definitely in the short run, but oh well, I don't care for the long run as well, of which sometimes trashing out brought more understanding. The surprising thing is I don't do caustic because I am bitter; I do it because I really meant what I felt.

Secondly, caustic is relative, and can depend on factors such as when words are said, who said it, and in front of who. An incident happened yesterday in Whatsapp, that damned chatting service. One of them said those who earned as queuers should be burnt. Ok fine, true that it is not right, though I can see it from some desperate circumstances really.

So I said that I will actually pay, it is a service afterall, though inappropriate from some angles. What if a person has got to get on a plane and the rigid arrangements at the starts prevents an immediate entrance even after showing the ticket timing? I don't even know why I should begin stating examples on how many different circumstances these queuers will help those who needs others to queue for them, regardless of the intentions of those who provide the service. Then my other friend, someone whom I trusted not to just burn me like that, just replied straight after, that it is not acceptable under any circumstances. Both the Parliament and transport are open 24 hours, and there is priority queue also so there is not excuse. Really. Not only do I not appreciate the face lost, effectively dismissing my views, but also informally and indirectly labelling me as someone who, I don't know, probably cannot decide as well ethically? And worse, in front of a bunch of people that are already making plans and coordinating leaving me out. They seemed so close I don't even want to butt in halfway. It is fine that I was not tagged @missfalling due to where I am and all, but I feel isolated emotionally in addition to all these people who have different views and show no empathy for mine.

Please try to understand. To cite hall allocations as an example, there are so many reason one cannot get hall immediately even with work done in the previous year, and some resort to paying another for a rented room under their name. Yes, it is not right because for every person doing this, there is one who has to wait longer. But the system is such that it looks at a final number and does not rate how desperate one actually needs it and alternatives that one can find. If providing your room for rent to a friend because you want to help them, then renting it at the original rate without earning is good. For this case, this service of queuning is intangible, you can't even put an accurate price to it, so why can't you accept some form of thank-you gift, monentary or not? If a person wants to help a stranger, but may not want to do it at the expense of forking out own living expenses to do so, then accepting a basic level of payment, even food or other sort, is undeniably alright. This person is spending their time, priceless time, to queue, so what is money and material goods compared to this? WHY *KING ASSUME THAT THE SELLER JUST WANTS TO PROFIT AND THE BUYER JUST WANTS AN EASY WAY OUT? Requesting is not right, but it also deters those who wants to take advantage of you (those are far more worse) by asking you to effectively queue for them for free so inappropriately. And please don't take out examples of those who fought to queue under trying circumstances and hence all can. Some just cannot.

I don't want to confront anyone this time bcause I can picture a group standing at one corner, giving me shady and judgemental looks while I stand alone, explained but not listened to nevertheless. I may imagine the worse, and holding it back may not be healthy for me, but I may be too weak at this moment, with already the myriad of emotions, to be dealing with this. I can even imagine debating with the friend who burnt me and eventuall hearing the words "too bad". I shudder at the thought of this. You know what, I don't need company like that. That's it.

If I want I will queue on my own or find a faster way without resorting to paying ANYONE. I don't need the burn from people who cannot leave a leeway for me especially among a group that probably alreay holds the same opinions.

"There is a time n place for everything. Just like u, I dont think LKY is behind every good thing in Sg. But he has done A LOT in really difficult situations. Now ppl are in mourning. Its not the time for ur analysis. Respect that many many ppl respect n love him. Respect their grief n gratitude even if u dont share it. If u dont have this sensitivity, then u lack sm basic sense of humanity, no matter how clever your fact-finding or intellectual analysis."


I agree with all very strongly, except the red portions. Any comment that contains a balanced viewpoint, even if correct, is indeed hard to digest at the moment and not be the most appropriate. But the consideration that one may not share the grief and gratitude should not even appear. If someone has already "analysed", it means that they have already considered different viewpoints. It already means that they are not majorly, or not even a single bit, lean towards the negative side. Stop assuming that one's emotions are opposing just because he/she can see other points of view.

One doesn't display their grief / sensitivity publicly, doesn't mean one is less sensitive or have lesser respect for Mr. Lee."

- Jennifer_Lola

This helps me to come to terms to how I may be able to give support, be it for Mr Lee and his passing, his family, the other citizens, and myself. I did feel pressure on having to go for the Parliament visit because people around me did, in addition to my already constantly-present worries on when to queue exactly. It is not to say that I want to do it because people around me are doing it. It is that if people around me are doing it, I will feel even more horrible when I want but cannot manage to get it. It's like facing everyone around you getting your wish but you can't. It's like I don't want to be rubbed salt on something that I wanted to attend but never had the chance to. With reading this, I have come to terms much more with sweeping the influence others on my directions, both present and future, and whetever choice that come I hope to not be sour or sorts even if I couldnt get what I want. As long as I round up my own emotions and give myself a complete closure, perhaps in another form, then I will feel good about this for a long time to come.

Current Location: EEE Block
Current Mood: pensivepensive
13 March 2015 @ 03:10 am

Just received a notification from the automated system at Blackboard that my lecturer has pposted the new video lectures. At 2.25am.

Why you ain't sleepin' like me, Dr Teo? XD Me doing reflections so that's another thing.

Google translation is very smart btw. I'm so happy it's there for me. Thesaurus as well <3

I will miss you and wait for your return. 因为会有那么一天。

Current Location: Hall
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
23 February 2015 @ 11:47 pm


某XX讲话犹如放屁 —— 听一听就算,不需要太计较。


21 February 2015 @ 01:23 am

I lost my earphones. I've searched for it for hours, before going out and back. This time is different, it's never gonna disappear for a while and miraculously hid in some fking place pulled back from dropping only by tension.

I can never talk on the phone for hours again with my earphones. I can never talk on the phone for hours again.
I can never adjust my volume, which I do so frequently, by the mere controls so convenietly placed along the wires for my use. I cannot stop the music just as I want already as well.

I got desperate and even went as far as to dig up my iPad box to see if there are any earphones.

I was already an idiot enough for being so careless and not taking my pencil-case ez-link card. These are the items that could have been wants, but became a necessity integrated into my life as I gradually include them. Fk myself. I checked the price online, those earbuds costs a fking $42, how am I supposed to afford it given my current state? I am a fking horrible person for losing someting of this value, not just monentary but how it contributes to my life. These are the times where I feel that I do not deserve anything in the world. With what right do I own them if I even allow the possibility of losing it. I am sure some people cannot understand this, what a lack of empathy.

I cannot face myself.

19 February 2015 @ 12:26 am

Hi all! 恭贺新禧!

Anyway I'm here to comment after reading NTU Confessions. It's disgusting, some commenters. With their names displayed out even. If I am real mean I should really take screenshots of all these comments, track them and send to their potential companies in the future. Just like how US colleges research on their students' past. People can say I do not respect privacy for all I care, but if I am getting information by legal means with what you display with your own brain, then there's definitely a way to accept it. Which is meanwhile, sometimes I really hope if this happens to me to an extent, I pray people are forgiving enough and I am able to prove myself differently.
These butthurt commenters shoot some foreign exchange student when he said nothing offensive, just plain truth in his opinion. He never once mentioned he's a "love guru", and people have to be racist about it. Really. So what if statistics support, every individual is still different.
Look at that last comment. Asking people to get a life. Really? You get a life by not even thinking about concerning your friends and only keeping within your own sorry boundaries. Disgusting.

New year should be a new, happy thing. It hurts to be seeing these trash. It's ok, from now things will either only go up or i'll be able to take it. Have fun, all! :)


15 February 2015 @ 02:04 am

There's no song to describe my mood now. My heart, mind and soul feels dead. I tried listening to Dong Bang, a usually quite useful technique, to no avail.

I stare forward, into numbness. My eyes are opened, I'm not sure if my clarity is. I take deep yet shallow breaths. I'm to my brim. I may have used up my energy already.

At least I don't have to lie to myself.

At such an indescribable point, thought catalog comes to my mind. I'm looking for words, for help to see if I can get my speech back again.

13 February 2015 @ 01:08 am



Current Mood: happyhappy
07 February 2015 @ 11:09 pm












Current Mood: blank, melancholic
20 January 2015 @ 08:07 pm

Sometimes you are not very nice to the people that are nice to you.
Sometimes the people you are nice to are not very nice to you.
Sometimes you just let go.
Sometimes you just hold on.

You end up being alone.

19 January 2015 @ 11:54 pm


Whose collarbone will be like this?!

11 January 2015 @ 11:43 am

Just realized this and find their naming system damn cool. Known Koreabang for a while, probably early last year, but didn't know they had sister sites until yesterday. Found the Japan one first through looking at this commenter, John Snow's history, then saw someone else mentioned the China one on an article comment in Japancrush.

08 January 2015 @ 12:01 am

I look at Jaejoong and wonder, how is it possible that someone looks so handsome?
This handsome?

By chance I googled 'Jaejoong legs' after someone referenced him in a Yoo Jae Suk legs article comments section on Netizenbuzz. You just keep scrolling down, you don't stop. Every random gaze you have on that long page is an incredibly handsome pic tat you 'chance upon', except that any probability statistics on 'stumbling upon' something simply doesn't apply here because he's so gorgeous. Like, EVERY SINGLE DAMN RANDOM PHOTO.

Just look at this. Excuse me while I 'wow~~~~' till no man's end.

Bonus: Have you seen Jaejoong when he was fatter?




I was reading closely the Buzzfeed Article on the 45 Most Powerful Photos of 2014 and I can't help but feel indeed, as described at the start, very emotional as I scanned the world's happenings that passed for the previous year. I read up on Katrina Dawson, Tori Johnson, Jieun Bae, Elly Chen, Joel Herat, Fiona Ma, Ms Win Pe, names that I remember offhand from the Sydney Siege. I didn't know much about it before and during that period read up on the gratefulness of Muslims in Australia on the isolation of the incident instead, how they were not dscriminated even on the same day of the siege. I wish all the best for them. I have a lot of emotions that I can't describe now, but I hope my belated condolences can bring them belssings.

While she was eating bread beside me and asked if I was doing homework, I told my mum about the animals killing in Copenhagen Zoo and explained their reasons given. In short my mum summed up our concluding ideas very well in my opinion - “没有位就不要开动物园啦!”,”看等他们没有用的时候谁把他们杀了。”

05 January 2015 @ 10:30 pm

Omg just look at this (click for link!). I happened to find this randomly because I

1. Chanced upon a portable planaterium on a Buzzfeed article.
2. Being very interested in astronomy, I googled the word to see what I can find
3. Saw a screenshot of this as I scrolled down
4. Realize the amazing discovery :O

This is beautiful. Based on news, this website/adventure was launched four years ago (why don't I even know...oh that was my very depressed period), and of course, you will not find Pluto. Reminds me of the Buzzfeed video I watched and favourited just a while ago.

I wanted to start the year's posts with a double-lookalike discovery, but being sick hasn't given me the time and energy to write on that yet, but this, let me share it at once! :))

31 December 2014 @ 01:25 am

I'm sick. Was planning not to face any electronic gadgets because the Zhen Li Zi might affect my illness, you know, too much of them is bad. I'm in a very pensive mood now, drinking tea hoping that i'll feel better. It's the end of the world (year), lol sorry that phrase just came out. It's rather cold at nght now. I have sneezed three time continuously now. I hope it's not because I've caught a cold. I'm drinking tea and applying heat to my arms with my palms hoping to feel better and evenly temperatured. It reminds me of the trip five years ago in Korea. I was sick as well, and the weather is just as cooling, if not much much colder than now. I must be going for the SHINee concert now I think haha.

This year has been rather fruitful I'd say. Towards the end, I spent my days mostly in isolation, depending on what extent you are looking at. There have been disappointments, yet there has been joy here and there as well. As Is it here and observe my cup, how the tea poured from my pot just hits that line drawn inside the cup pefectly, I'd say, it's not that bad right? :)

Edit: My years ends with Lay. Lookng at my calendar, there have been two changes to EXO, including the departure of my bias from the group. But looking how peaceful Lay is, with his flowers and the sunlight shining behind him and all, I know there's hope. Even though I still feel my sickness haha.

Current Location: At home
Current Mood: touchedtouched
30 December 2014 @ 03:55 pm

I was looking for information online for my modules after course registration, in hopes of finding what textbooks are needed and hence get them early from libraries, but yes, your truly found nothing. Instead, three blogs, all dated 2009, which I do find it rather weird because hmm. Ok fine, maybe the blogspot peak era stopped there, which paved way for more record-style sites like Wordpress or Tumblr to gain even bigger footing. Meanwhile Livejournal was declining as well, but look who's still here! :D

Anyway, I've decided to try ONCE AGAIN the "Next Blog" function! I've selected this first one because it's this first one I found that made me feel like trying again...

about the life of an (ex-)NIE studen, now teachert:

  • Talks about Toyota and being 6"3 in his introduction ⇒ Male

  • Picking up child ⇒ Has kid(s)

  • Crossover BSc Student, did not do well in the end ⇒ Most likely and effect of the multiple roles that one has to handle, but still great attitude, it's hard to manage all and still be a upward-striving, improvement-orientated father :)

  • Bible ⇒ Christian

  • Mentions 3 students' stories he claimed real ⇒ and god I'm honestly relieved for him that he did not continue it. I believed the site became a place for him to rant (though notthing eventually-negative observed), but I feel even privately, what he wrote should not have been the focus of his mind. Background details were needed I supposed to pave way for the later stories, but stopping the sharing at this does not portray a good image of him. Come to think of myself, I am aware that some language I used very long ago may not have been totally appropriate, but I will choose not to erase them because that's just how it truly was.

about the life of another teacher (is Blogspot smart or what?! :O)

  • OMG her last post is exactly five years ago, rounding up her year.

for the critical thinker:

  • I LOVE THIS BLOG. I'm reading and watching everything on the homepage.

about the life of an old man looking for new experiences and reflections:

  • This is such a sweet blog. As you read from year to year, you really see the changes. His stories are interesting, his artwork is beautiful, I wish I can have it, he's thankful for things, he presents what truly an average yet insightful person would think, he shares and gains, and there's a closure for his ultimate choice in a new direction. ♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

about a Christian's artistic creations:

  • He actually has a list of the greatest songs from a few era listed, together with Youtube links. I'm watching those as well.

And here comes the end of a hopping session again, as the last blog used the new Blogger format and hence without a "Next Blog" function. Man, this trip is so much more fruitful than the last one, I'm actually not in circles and all blogs are in English. Not too bad arh ;)
26 December 2014 @ 01:30 am

Read the Livejournal News that the site is bringing back writersblock. I honestly wonder if it's because of me, and I truly think yes. I'm really honoured thinking about this, really didnt' expect the system to take note and actually do something about it. I know the usage is dwinding, but realising that someone wants to bring back/revisit the function with her own efforts (not that I found it pressing enough to mention on lj_feedback). After the first time I tried using the feature once again with old questions from years back just a while ago, I noticed that I could no longer see others' replies like my first experience this year, i.e. something has changed/transitioned. Well, the ironic thing is at this stage, I'm probably still gonna answer old questions first haha XD nothing, it's just a habit and plan I have, so why not continue it regardless of the new changes :), I can always catch up if I'm fast.

Anyway, today is DB5K's 11th Aniversary, since 031226. Just a short note that me being reminded of this is a coincidence, yet I believe somehting is meant to be, why I just happen to see it and go "oh yah!" pleasantly. I recall not much tbh at this moment, maybe cuz I no longer focus on how much I need to remember, lol I've evolved yet again. It's the feels, it's not that I cannot rmb, it's I'm so affirmed, this word comes to me, by whatever that I currently am not going to try to describe from my many years of liking. To cut this shorter, I love you <3

Looking for a banner to serve as greetings but found none easily. However, I chance upon this. This will suffice more than enough :))))



Sometimes I feel like I'm still grabbing on to something. Like when I sing Stand By U or some random moment. Then I try to breath. Breath in deep.

Current Mood: pensivepensive
Current Music: My own singing medley of TVXQ songs