I once read from NUS confessions that someone was fortunate that he/she isn't in the same school as Han Hui Hui, as, to put it briefly, she's a shameful person that shows no gratitude. I think the fact that her gratefulness for the country is mixed up with how she can have and express her opinion in this widely-promoted democratic society is backward and incoherent thinking. Does anything think that she will be speaking up if she does not even care about our place and its people? What is the point of spending money for election registration in the first place, that huge amount of money, if she is not going to say her piece? Well, she is, and that alone is commendable. I may or may not agree with her stand, but her strength to stand up is enough for people to be respecting her at least to some extent.
Shame on you for having a degree education yet becoming a self-shutting blind sheep that opposes any harm to your empty ideas of authoritarianship.
Is this you showing me what it can happen if I step on your line?
So why can't I show you what happens if you step on mine?
This friendship feels like a couple breaking up and getting back together.
This is not the first time.
Every single time, it's like limbo.
You feel like giving up hope.
But at the same time you wonder if the coping mechanism on the other side was just so to retain the frienship.
Most friendships don't behave this way.
They either break away altogether, or they bounce back in a short amount of this.
Every single time this happens, I don't know if this is the end or this is just temporary.
But it's getting harder with every single time it happens.
I hate it when people turn away, but I hate it more if they come back again and again, threatening my fragile emotions that has tried to settle for the change.
I could always take on a superior position and never accept you back again, but truth to be told, the heart wants what it wants.
This is toxic.
I'm sick and tired of this.
I guess we are bringing hurt to the both of us.
This is happening two times too much.
I don't treasure you anymore.
It takes a few days to sink in that this is never coming back.
I gave myself days to settle down.
And I'm not going to look back.
"Mink that express so-called stereotypical behavior, endless repetitive motion without purpose, a feeble attempt at dealing with stress and frustration."
Am I like a mink?
Do I repeat what I do without purpose, in attempt to excape what I really go to focus on?
Why am I running away?
Am I doing things that will neither keep me away from my stress nor actually face them?
I am sick.
What is my feeble attempt at dealing with stress and frustration?
Do I see signs from time to time that reveals my inner heart?
What am I?
I guess somehow this video leaves a poignant feel. You know you filters at the end, arh how artistic.
I have always known him just as the lead from Prison Break, another one of the 99.9% of shows out there that I did not watch (attribute Channel 5 advertistements for the exposure), his seemingly intense, soul-searching blue eyes reminiscent of the cool White boys in the industry. But as years go by, I have found surprising facts about him again and again, despite him just appearing as a very low-profile person in general. Let me cover just a few, for there may be more in the future :O
(Arranged in order of discovery, from new to old)
1. He's not White. Black in fact.
This does seem like a little clickbait as I first heard about it. Turns out that as usual of an increasing amount of mixed heritage in general, his parents are from a variety of ethnic backgrounds, of which his father has African heritage in his history, among three other ancestries listed in hailtoyou.wordpress.com. As the blog continued to analyze, Wentworth Miller has perhaps less than 10% of African heritage passed down to him.
To observe the other ancestries listed regarding his parents that contribute to his identity, the majority are of genetically Caucasiod descent, and will of course lead to the more "Whites" appearance in layman terms. Journalists and the media had to of course choose that background that contrasts most for some sensationalization.
Wentworth Miller, with uncle and father (far right). Credits to hailtoyou.
2. He's born in 1972 i.e. 42 YEARS OLD
FOR ALL YOU AGE-ABSENT PEOPLE this is one of your crew right here. Just look at this.
How does he look remotely 43 man, he's like your typical 35 years old Ang Moh to say the most.
3. He's in the LGBT community.
I guess this just places more overlaps in the areas that we are looking into or are paying attention to.
I'm actually itching to use my phone. This has not happened before. Like damn, I'm really itching to use it I don't know why.
Today is the first day of school.
I am either under the influence of my period, very anxious, or just plain stressed out.
There are a lot of ends that I need to tie, all with new things to settle, and I feel the pressure to complete, but worry that I am missing or lagging behind things that I should clear.
I have things both at home and in school, and elsewhere. Some may say that I look for extra things to do, but somehow I feel I gotta do them all.
Minor things some may say. I assume this because part of my brain conflicts my mind, how confusing.
Maybe it's the strawberry tea.
I can feel it now, you know, that some take a nap first meme expresses that tiredness despite having a pile of things waiting. How can I afford that time though? As I try to rest I can picture the endlessly incresing work just accumulating and accumulating.
Maybe I just didn't have enough sleep. It's tough you know, having amnesia at 3am, very possibly due to jet lag and a whirlwind that I am barely keeping up with.
It's 9pm and my eyes are about to close, but I remember the Club Fair awaiting tomorrow, not to mention the G.T. notes that I have to print for the 8.30am class.
I guess I can say that this article is indeed right. People who have not travelled may really think that all is grand and located in remote, secluded that adds on to the mysterious, royal etc feel every enormous monument has. And you know what? These idealists, if unfortunate and struggling with daily lives, not being able to ever step out to other countries, does indeed deserve the truth told to them because it will be nice to be informed of the world through this.
Meanwhile, those who have travelled before and are still idealists? Some are truly idiots (not all; explain later).
Come on, just take Brandenburger Tor for example. It's in Berlin, in the captial of a friggin developed country. Shouldn't you realize beforehand that obviously the inner city is going to be extensively used for other crucial purposes? Who expects some huge field or grassland to come with it, might as well you expect people to wear period costumes there to complete the whole look. It's very good enough that Tiergarten is right behind it, a huge park, certainly a luxury amid the preciousness of land. Have you not seen other capitals?
You may feel tricked, but you deserve it for not using your brains.
For a number, they may have insufficient knowledge, e.g. location, and they may just have fallen in love with a randomly chanced upon picture. That's all right, but well, the more you know, the lesers excuse for not being impressed in the later stages.
I have, with all gratitude, seen a few of the monuments highlighted, and my experience has been far from disappointment. In fact, they were wonderful. I did not consciously expect the worst or set low standards, I just happen not to think with overly-assuming attitudes and in the correct directions. Everything has been pleasant and worth it :))
Tip: If you truly want your supposed "serenity" (description seen under Niagara Falls section) and such, they
mostly won't be known by many people yet. In short, heed the saying: you are not the only one.
It's those non-concrete, useless shit that got B-. I can't help it, I don't even hold these attitudes in the past but seeing such unaccounted for grades really made me very helpless as to what I've done wrong exactly. Words words words it's not like I don't write.
I need to buck up. Consult or something, I don't know. I'm reminded of Gladys' story about the contrast in grades during consultation and aft that. I don't know. I just got to continue some encouraging attitude and work for it.
But fking hell, it's not like I didn't work for it. Worse, I was consistent. I really don't know what went wrong.
It's a cycle of thoughts here and I need to come to a resolution and get out of this.
I think I got sick of watching videos and entertaining myself. Spending time unwisely basically. I am not sure if this is the case, or that I just feel doomed. I don't know. I am also not sure if this is just because I have too many unsettled things in my life also. Please just let me manage myself well.
It has come to my attention that I have experienced a wide variety of emotions in the past few days, tears shed, moving moments flowed, inspiring stories and life experiences heard, burnt words from people I know, questions on the Parliament House situations asked, constant conflicting decisions on whether to go, and other things. I am going to rant on various stuff I have seen and come across, in hopes of relief and brightening my 24hrs in addition to the killer mood I already have some of the time. It is a rant afterall, so I will expect random spurts of thoughts that may not be closely linked.
"And if you don't agree with her, then find a way to express yourself without being so caustic."
- Limpeh Foreign Talent
First and foremost, I see burning comments from knetz and inetz alike quite a number of times from my usual leisure reading. I do dish out (or desire to) burning comments as well in real-life, sometimes imagined in my mind like what I wish will happen. Normally it doesn't end well, definitely in the short run, but oh well, I don't care for the long run as well, of which sometimes trashing out brought more understanding. The surprising thing is I don't do caustic because I am bitter; I do it because I really meant what I felt.
Secondly, caustic is relative, and can depend on factors such as when words are said, who said it, and in front of who. An incident happened yesterday in Whatsapp, that damned chatting service. One of them said those who earned as queuers should be burnt. Ok fine, true that it is not right, though I can see it from some desperate circumstances really.
So I said that I will actually pay, it is a service afterall, though inappropriate from some angles. What if a person has got to get on a plane and the rigid arrangements at the starts prevents an immediate entrance even after showing the ticket timing? I don't even know why I should begin stating examples on how many different circumstances these queuers will help those who needs others to queue for them, regardless of the intentions of those who provide the service. Then my other friend, someone whom I trusted not to just burn me like that, just replied straight after, that it is not acceptable under any circumstances. Both the Parliament and transport are open 24 hours, and there is priority queue also so there is not excuse. Really. Not only do I not appreciate the face lost, effectively dismissing my views, but also informally and indirectly labelling me as someone who, I don't know, probably cannot decide as well ethically? And worse, in front of a bunch of people that are already making plans and coordinating leaving me out. They seemed so close I don't even want to butt in halfway. It is fine that I was not tagged @missfalling due to where I am and all, but I feel isolated emotionally in addition to all these people who have different views and show no empathy for mine.
Please try to understand. To cite hall allocations as an example, there are so many reason one cannot get hall immediately even with work done in the previous year, and some resort to paying another for a rented room under their name. Yes, it is not right because for every person doing this, there is one who has to wait longer. But the system is such that it looks at a final number and does not rate how desperate one actually needs it and alternatives that one can find. If providing your room for rent to a friend because you want to help them, then renting it at the original rate without earning is good. For this case, this service of queueing is intangible, you can't even put an accurate price to it, so why can't you accept some form of thank-you gift, monetary or not? If a person wants to help a stranger, but may not want to do it at the expense of forking out own living expenses to do so, then accepting a basic level of payment, even food or other sort, is undeniably alright. This person is spending their time, priceless time, to queue, so what is money and material goods compared to this? WHY *KING ASSUME THAT THE SELLER JUST WANTS TO PROFIT AND THE BUYER JUST WANTS AN EASY WAY OUT? Requesting is not right, but it also deters those who wants to take advantage of you (those are far more worse) by asking you to effectively queue for them for free so inappropriately. And please don't take out examples of those who fought to queue under trying circumstances and hence all can. Some just cannot.
I don't want to confront anyone this time because I can picture a group standing at one corner, giving me shady and judgemental looks while I stand alone, explained but not listened to nevertheless. I may imagine the worse, and holding it back may not be healthy for me, but I may be too weak at this moment, with already the myriad of emotions, to be dealing with this. I can even imagine debating with the friend who burnt me and eventually hearing the words "too bad". I shudder at the thought of this. You know what, I don't need company like that. That's it.
If I want I will queue on my own or find a faster way without resorting to paying ANYONE. I don't need the burn from people who cannot leave a leeway for me especially among a group that probably already holds the same opinions.
"There is a time n place for everything. Just like u, I dont think LKY is behind every good thing in Sg. But he has done A LOT in really difficult situations. Now ppl are in mourning. Its not the time for ur analysis. Respect that many many ppl respect n love him. Respect their grief n gratitude even if u dont share it. If u dont have this sensitivity, then u lack sm basic sense of humanity, no matter how clever your fact-finding or intellectual analysis."
I agree with all very strongly, except the red portions. Any comment that contains a balanced viewpoint, even if correct, is indeed hard to digest at the moment and not be the most appropriate. But the consideration that one may not share the grief and gratitude should not even appear. If someone has already "analysed", it means that they have already considered different viewpoints. It already means that they are not majorly, or not even a single bit, lean towards the negative side. Stop assuming that one's emotions are opposing just because he/she can see other points of view.
"One doesn't display their grief / sensitivity publicly, doesn't mean one is less sensitive or have lesser respect for Mr. Lee."
This helps me to come to terms to how I may be able to give support, be it for Mr Lee and his passing, his family, the other citizens, and myself. I did feel pressure on having to go for the Parliament visit because people around me did, in addition to my already constantly-present worries on when to queue exactly. It is not to say that I want to do it because people around me are doing it. It is that if people around me are doing it, I will feel even more horrible when I want but cannot manage to get it. It's like facing everyone around you getting your wish but you can't. It's like I don't want to be rubbed salt on something that I wanted to attend but never had the chance to. With reading this, I have come to terms much more with sweeping the influence others on my directions, both present and future, and whetever choice that come I hope to not be sour or sorts even if I couldnt get what I want. As long as I round up my own emotions and give myself a complete closure, perhaps in another form, then I will feel good about this for a long time to come.
Just received a notification from the automated system at Blackboard that my lecturer has pposted the new video lectures. At 2.25am.
Why you ain't sleepin' like me, Dr Teo? XD Me doing reflections so that's another thing.
Google translation is very smart btw. I'm so happy it's there for me. Thesaurus as well <3
I will miss you and wait for your return. 因为会有那么一天。
某XX讲话犹如放屁 —— 听一听就算，不需要太计较。
I lost my earphones. I've searched for it for hours, before going out and back. This time is different, it's never gonna disappear for a while and miraculously hid in some fking place pulled back from dropping only by tension.
I can never talk on the phone for hours again with my earphones. I can never talk on the phone for hours again.
I can never adjust my volume, which I do so frequently, by the mere controls so convenietly placed along the wires for my use. I cannot stop the music just as I want already as well.
I got desperate and even went as far as to dig up my iPad box to see if there are any earphones.
I was already an idiot enough for being so careless and not taking my pencil-case ez-link card. These are the items that could have been wants, but became a necessity integrated into my life as I gradually include them. Fk myself. I checked the price online, those earbuds costs a fking $42, how am I supposed to afford it given my current state? I am a fking horrible person for losing someting of this value, not just monentary but how it contributes to my life. These are the times where I feel that I do not deserve anything in the world. With what right do I own them if I even allow the possibility of losing it. I am sure some people cannot understand this, what a lack of empathy.
I cannot face myself.
Hi all! 恭贺新禧！
Anyway I'm here to comment after reading NTU Confessions. It's disgusting, some commenters. With their names displayed out even. If I am real mean I should really take screenshots of all these comments, track them and send to their potential companies in the future. Just like how US colleges research on their students' past. People can say I do not respect privacy for all I care, but if I am getting information by legal means with what you display with your own brain, then there's definitely a way to accept it. Which is meanwhile, sometimes I really hope if this happens to me to an extent, I pray people are forgiving enough and I am able to prove myself differently.
These butthurt commenters shoot some foreign exchange student when he said nothing offensive, just plain truth in his opinion. He never once mentioned he's a "love guru", and people have to be racist about it. Really. So what if statistics support, every individual is still different.
Look at that last comment. Asking people to get a life. Really? You get a life by not even thinking about concerning your friends and only keeping within your own sorry boundaries. Disgusting.
New year should be a new, happy thing. It hurts to be seeing these trash. It's ok, from now things will either only go up or i'll be able to take it. Have fun, all! :)
There's no song to describe my mood now. My heart, mind and soul feels dead. I tried listening to Dong Bang, a usually quite useful technique, to no avail.
I stare forward, into numbness. My eyes are opened, I'm not sure if my clarity is. I take deep yet shallow breaths. I'm to my brim. I may have used up my energy already.
At least I don't have to lie to myself.
At such an indescribable point, thought catalog comes to my mind. I'm looking for words, for help to see if I can get my speech back again.