Angelic Boyish

(no subject)

The hard part about being alone is trying to get used to the loneliness.
Or having other ways to deal with the loneliness. Or changing these loneliness into something else altogether.
Perhaps this is what people get used to.
I'm so drained to reach out to people, yet I feel the loneliness.
Watching Youtube is not the most enjoyable thing, yet I can't be bothered to do anything else.
I choose to remain status quo, not changing my situation.
Ultimately I've lost a part that's irreplaceable to me, and only time will help me dilute that feeling of loss.
We don't feel loss until we've been primed to have it, then taken away.
You don't feel loss until you're content with your life.
When you've lost what you wanted, and then you seek it.
I seek love.
I hope for the day where I can be comfortable with myself again.
I can still remember those times, I really long for them.
A lot that I remember has to do with hall life, having a lot to look forward to in life.
I remember to joy of being single and alone, and opening myself up again. I liked that balance.
I want to find that joy again, and it's a journey that I will choose to step out alone this time.
I will get old and I will get used to drifting alone, I will seek to find comfort in my own company, and actively train to be like that.
Angelic Boyish


Love Actually

The Love of My Life

My foundation was you
Foremost you
Mostly you

My dream in life was you
My hope for the future was you
The path that I consider was you
Happiness for me was you
My best love was you

They will still be you
But I’m told to find new ones
I will listen to you
But you will always be in my heart
I love you
Angelic Boyish

Jun '20 Full-month : GE2020

The following is an attachment from an email bcc-ed to all MOE employees, not marked as confidential.

no title

I will not publish any political opinions. Instead, I will publish understanding of facts, policies and processes in Q&A format so that I will remember in the years to come.

1) Are ministers public officers?

No. They are termed political heads. Let's just use the above ministry sender, MOE as an example. As of writing, they have 5 political heads: Mr Ong Ye Kung, Ms Indranee, a Minister of State i.e. assitant to the 2 mentioned above that are in the Cabinet, then 2 Parlimentary secretaries. These 2 Parlimentary secretaries are so-called temporary I believe, subject to change when there's a reshuffle in the Parliament, as opposed to 2 Permanent Secretaries fovever in MOE. These 2 Permanent Secretaries also happen to be the highest 2 positions in Senior Management of MOE, deemed as truly in the Ministry and not of any Party affliations.

In other words, Minister Ong is not a public officer, and therefore not subject to the rule that public officers must not hold office in any political organisations. Although yes, in the public eye when something happens, it's almost always the political heads that people remember and people choose to bring attention to. Eg. Mr Desmond Lee wrt therapist manhandling child case. But then again, details matter.

2) Can I, then, understand that anyone that's
(a) not a political head and therefore
(b) not appointed by the Parliament to attach to a certain ministry
cannot have any Party affliations and be a public officer at the same time?

Yes, you are correct. Which means that any potential GRC representatives etc, first-timers or not, have already quit their public officer jobs by the time they are even mentioned by the Party, opposition or ruling. Usually at least a few months before that they'll have settled the old strings. If they get elected, great, new job and 10k as basic MP. If they get into Cabinet, great, new job and more than 10k as basic MP and more.

That's why whatever SAF blah blah high-ranks, they are all former public officers. They had to quit before trying their luck as potential GRC representatives etc. Just take 1st female general Ms Gan Siow Huang as an example.

Don't ask me about NTUC and Mdm Halimah Yacob though, presidency has its own set of rules most likely, a whole lot of other details. Kinda awkward for a president to hold double salaries as a union head too, you get me yeah?

3) What does it mean by holding office in any political organisation?

Holding office most likely refers to senior positions like leader, secretary, treasurer, chair etc. basically of some stature and standing within. In other words, if you want to volunteer your time a as temp/ad-hoc/nameless make-the-rounds person during nomination periods, you can, opposition or ruling.

4) Can I then wear a opposition party shirt to eat dinner outside in days other than Cooling-Off Day?

Yes, you can. In other words, as long as you are not conducting/participating in activities of a political nature
(a) in uniform
(b) when on official duty
(c) in a govermnet building or premise
(d) in a rally (yes, that zoom background during virtual rally is counted)

Just don't crave for that yummy [whatever] near the zillions of government buildings in your political shirt, ruling or opposition. And don't eat near your office. Literal, physical office. Yes, even the Permanent Secretaries.

Not your fault when someone who knows you take a picture and point out that you are a public officer, you know what I mean?

Update: an article on two then-serving public officers who broke the rule
hope they have cleaned up the matter by now.
Angelic Boyish

Apr '20 Full-Month

2k19 semi-month posts roundup:
I did 5/24 posts, the same as the previous year! Haha coincidence. With the Coronavirus around, many things, people, processes and ideas about living changed for the whole world, and news segments cover Covid-related news for the total duration of 30mins. I think the only other topic that can compete with that coverage is elections, on D Day itself. This intensity has been going on for two months? The pandamic has caused us to be at homes, affecting. I mean I don't mind being able to stay at home instead of travelling to work, but I don't want to do it at the expense of human lives. I also don't want environmental improvement to come at the expense of human lives. They are unintended advantages but it's so sad just thinking where it originates.

Just to give an update of my life:

  • I end up together with the love of my life x) Yes all those heartbreaking posts, my life has actually paid off. I feel so safe with you I know you won't make me insecure. Thng Jing Rong I love you <3

  • I've been slinging rubber bands on my water bottle in an attempt to stretch and break them, since they disintegrate fairly easily, then clear my items. I've also dug out even my kpop plastic bags and the supposedly nicer plastic bags from the store room, to encourage the reduction of new plastic bags from the supermarket for our trash.

  • I'm half-a-year lagging in recording my social activities. I should get back to it soon seriously.

  • Jacob Neo of Fairfield Methodist Primary has written my favourite inspiration song of, dare I say, all time? At least now definitely. I shall post the lyrics here to save future trouble of searching it, which currently can only be found on the Youtube video page itself.

Singapore, Unite as One

You're shut away, you're isolated
Cut off, from civilisation
All alone, with your hopes and dreams
Shattered, no longer free

But I want you to know that you're not alone
And I want you to feel that you are at home

And the night looms the sun goes down
Day bleeds and light’s just a memory (memory)
The ‘crowns’ are invading us what can we do
This is agony… Yeah!
But we’ll be together through thick and the thin
As one country we’ll fight this virus and win
We’ll fight with our hearts and our minds and our souls
Protecting this island where we call our home

Fearful, yet advancing
Fulfilling, your duty and call
Knowing, that there’s a purpose
Press on, stand firm for all

Singapore, we’ll stay together
Singapore, the time has come
Singapore, we’ll fight forever
Singapore, Unite as One!

P.S.: I thought about writing on my blog because I cam across such a badly-written sentence from

“It is because tenets and practices of Freemasonry conflict with the biblical Gospel of Jesus Christ that our church from its very beginning has held that membership in this organization conflicts with a faithful confession of this Gospel.” – Lutheran Church Missouri Synod

38 words. 38 friggin words without a punctuation. How to read even. I have kindly broken it down for actual possible reading.

"It is because [tenets and practices of Freemasonry conflict with the biblical Gospel of Jesus Christ] that our church, from its very beginning, has held that [membership in this organization conflicts with a faithful confession of this Gospel]." Yeah I had to make use of brackets because it's just that hard. You're welcome.

Love Actually

It’s the last day of the decade, and I want to say...

Don’t these Thai people ever love themselves?
I was scrolling through Instagram and all these Thai influencers, every single one of them is fair-skinned, looks not even racially ambiguous anymore, like just... Chinese.
Even those whose features don’t look Chinese are still... white. It’s like you automatically have a pass and an edge as a celebrity as long as you look fair. These are racially Chinese people who came down to your land and now you let them dominate your country? I’ve never seen such an unbalanced proportion of representation in entertainment industry in a country before, when compared to their actual population demographics. There’s one guy even worse, straight up just called Victor Zheng, like do you know you have an edge over your equally dark-skinned peers only because your kind is favoured here and considered the ideal of beauty. Like if you go anywhere else, where your name is more commonly seen, you’re like just average or even substandard? Are you proud of living with an advantage only because this country allows you to? Don’t these Thai people allow and nurture their fellow dark-skinned peers to shine? Don’t they love themselves? At this rate as long as I start learning Thai I too can become a celebrity. Have some love for yourselves, won’t you?

I hope in the next decade, this turns better and you have more diverse representation in your entertainment industry. Don’t let average fair-skinned people dominate your Instagram sphere anymore.
Angelic Boyish

(no subject)

We can just be friends you know? I’m sorry my email didn’t turn out into my objectives, which is just to reply you that I will move on. I’m sorry it turned out this way, I’m sorry I brought confusion to you, instead of just that struggle within myself.

I just realised you didn’t walk me back. I’m not in a position to be asking for anything you know, it’s just...hate to compare but think you would have walked her back. Does this speak enough of your heart?
Angelic Boyish

What are you thinking of?

If you already believe that this time will really be different, then what is there to consider?

There’s nothing to consider, because I wasn’t considered in the first place.

I don’t know when I would ever see you again, even if I so much want to. I already miss you, but do you?

There’s nothing that I can ask for, there’s no position in your heart. It hurts that I am leaving, but it’s hurts even more to stay as a choice, not the choice. My heart can’t be treated like this.

Is your heart speaking loud enough? Will you be with me without hesitation? Will you feel sorry for yourself? Will you look back?

Most painfully, are you just thinking of a way to reject me?

This is paralysing.